Do NOT Drink the Bleach!

How many times have you heard a comedian do a piece on “Do Not Drink” warning on bleach or some other obvious substance?  As if anyone would grab a jug of bleach and say, “Wow! I think I’ll drink this!”

I use bleach a lot!  As a licensed daycare provider I was taught early on that a solution of bleach and warm water can be used to clean and sanitize anything from counters, toys, bathroom surfaces to flooring.  I love bleach!  It removes stains and leaves everything “feeling” and smelling clean.  We drink a lot of iced tea.  Tea stains pitchers, glasses and spoons and bleach makes them look like new.  I soak my spoons on a regular basis in bleach, usually in a Tupperware tumbler sitting on the back of my kitchen sink.

A few years ago, I was cleaning and Derrill was working in the attic building shelves for additional storage.  It was about 110 degrees and dusty up there.  I went into my office to take a break as he was coming down to cool off.

He poked his head into my office and said, “Do you think it would hurt me to drink bleach?”

I tried to determine if he was joking, when it hit me.  “Did you drink the glass  sitting on the back of the sink?”

“Yep!”

“How much?”

“All of it.”

“What?  Couldn’t you taste or smell it???”

“I was hot and thirsty, thought it looked like a glass of tea when the ice has melted, so I chugged it.”

I looked on the bottle of bleach for emergency instructions.  Call Poison Control.

Poison Control Nurse:  “What is the nature of your emergency?”

Me:  “My husband just drank a glass of bleach.”

PCN:  “Is he breathing? Is he awake?”

Me:  “Yes.”

PCN: “How old is he?”

Me:  “62”

PCN:  “Is he lucid?”

Me:  “Before or after he drank the bleach?”

PCN:  “Both!”

Me:  “Yes.”

PCN:  “Can you get the phone to him?  Can he talk?”

Me:  “Sure, here he is.”

Derrill:  “Hello?”

PCN:  “Did someone force you to drink the bleach?”

Derrill:  “No!”

PCN:   “Did someone hand you the bleach saying it was something else?”

Derrill:  “No!  I was working in the hot attic, came down thirsty and just grabbed it and chugged it.  My wife had been cleaning some tea stained silverware.  It isn’t her fault.”

PCN:  “Couldn’t you smell or taste it?”

Derrill:  “Not until I drank it.  It left a funny taste in my mouth and I could smell it on my breath.”

PCN:  “Is your throat or stomach burning or are you in pain?”

Derrill:  “No.  Honestly I can’t tell anything is different.  It was diluted about ½ bleach and ½ water I guess.”

PCN:  “Ok. Dilute it by drinking several glasses of plain water.  Don’t take anything to induce vomiting. If you start having pain in your throat or stomach or have trouble breathing, get to the emergency room.  Otherwise, I’ll check back with you in a few hours.”

Derrill drank the water as he was told and never had any reaction.  The nurse called back about three hours later and Derrill again assured her he was fine.

Now a running joke, when I am using bleach in any way, I make sure Derrill KNOWS I am using bleach and what container in which the bleach is sitting.  Then for extra measure, I always say:

“DO NOT DRINK THE BLEACH!”